Looking back at last semester, I really did not make good use of my time and spent too much time on hobby-- reading network novels. In fact, I was addicted to it. Sometimes I got a wonderful book, I even stayed up all night to finish reading it. And on the weekend, I rarely went out to go shopping and participate in any activity. It often turned out when the weekend ended I realized I did nothing other than reading network novels. However, this semester, I am going to make a plan for my time so that I feel I really have done something as the summer vacation comes.
Firstly, I am going to control the time spending on reading network novels. Previously, I often told myself when I could not stop reading a book I would never spend so much time on a novel after this novel. But finally, the fact is that these words were used to persuade me to continue reading whenever there was a novel attracting me. This time, I have deleted all the novels in my mobile phone which I can use to read anytime and anywhere. I cannot promise that I will never read network any more, but I will limit the time for half an hour every day as the novels are only available on my laptop.
Secondly, I will occupy most of the time I used on reading novels before to do independent learning and enjoy activities. Independent learning is meaningful way of strengthening what I have learned from lectures and tutorials. In addition, I have taken part in some clubs this term, in which I have the opportunity to make friends and learn from them, furthermore, practice my spoken English. My uncle, a teacher of a junior high school, once said to me that one will be brighter and smarter if he actively and regularly joins in social activities, and often encouraged me to go out to talk with people. I cannot agree more. For example, people may have problems that they cannot solve by themselves, but if they discuss the problems in group, it can be solved easily by sharing information. Thus, I plan to participate in activities regularly.
Nevertheless I am not sure to what extent I can change my time management this semester, I will do my best to shift the time spending on reading network novels to independent learning and activities
Writing with Conviction
10 years ago
Hi, Liang Li:
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I want to point out some grammar mistakes:
(well, actually are some points I think is not right)
1. spent too much time on (article missing!!or use my,etc.) hobby
2. Independent learning is (article missing) meaningful way
Secondly, for the sentence "Previously, I often told myself when I could not stop reading a book I would never spend so much time on a novel after this novel. " I think it is quite unclear. Is it that when you could not stop reading a book then you told yourself such things? Or you often tells yourself that only if you meet such a book which you could not stop reading then you will end this situation? Hence, it will be better if you put the "when...." in front of the main sentence.
Thirdly, in the third paragraph, I don't understand why you use such a huge space to describe what your uncle told you about social activities. Some information in that paragraph is useless and has less connection with the topic.
Lastly, the organization of your reflection is quite good. Your introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion are very clear.
Ruo Xuan,
DeleteThank you for your comments for Liang Li.
1. spent too much time on (article missing!!or use my,etc.) hobby
Well spotted!
2. Independent learning is (article missing) meaningful way
Well spotted
Good idea--it is possible to start the sentence with 'when'.
Hi Liang Li, after finishing reading your writing, I get a clear idea about what you plan to do. However, I don't know whether you have corrected or something else so I do not find grammar mistakes. But I'd like to share something that I think it will be a better way to organize your sentence:
ReplyDelete1. originial sentence: "It often turned out when the weekend ended I realized I did nothing other than reading network novels."
what I think: I'm not so sure but maybe it will looks clearer to put "when..." backwards just like "It often turned out I realized I did nothing other than reading network novels when the weekend ended."
2. original sentence: "But finally, the fact is that these words were used to persuade me to continue reading whenever there was a novel attracting me."
what I think: Personally, I don't it is necessary to used "these words were used to persuade me". It seems like a little bit of Chinglish. I think just "But finally, the fact is that these words persuaded me to continue reading whenever there was a novel attracting me." is easy and fine.
In conclusion, I think it is a good reflective writing as you clearly show your plan and your previous experience. However, I agree with Lei Ruoxuan that it is not so necessary for you to write so much about what your uncle has said. It appears like you are out of your centre point in that paragraph. I hope this comment can help you.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteMao Ke,
DeleteThanks for commenting on Liang Li's blog. Below is my feedback to your suggestions:
1. originial sentence: "It often turned out when the weekend ended I realized I did nothing other than reading network novels."
what I think: I'm not so sure but maybe it will looks clearer to put "when..." backwards just like "It often turned out I realized I did nothing other than reading network novels when the weekend ended."
I think the problem with this sentence is that the main focus is not clear. It would be better to change the word order so that the main focus is at the beginning of the sentence: I realised I did nothing but read by the time the end of the weekend.
2. original sentence: "But finally, the fact is that these words were used to persuade me to continue reading whenever there was a novel attracting me."
what I think: Personally, I don't it is necessary to used "these words were used to persuade me". It seems like a little bit of Chinglish. I think just "But finally, the fact is that these words persuaded me to continue reading whenever there was a novel attracting me." is easy and fine.
I agree. We don't change/delete the meaning if we delete these words.
In conclusion, I think it is a good reflective writing as you clearly show your plan and your previous experience. However, I agree with Lei Ruoxuan that it is not so necessary for you to write so much about what your uncle has said. It appears like you are out of your centre point in that paragraph. I hope this comment can help you.
I agree. This is a very informative and well-organised piece of writing.
Content and organisation: I enjoyed reading your blog. I like the organisation of your reflection, and the proportion of your text. There is a little on background (past experience) and where you are at now, and then you elaborated on your plan of action to improve on your time management (with one idea per paragraph)--great job!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting content and very good organisation of information!
Language: Pay attention to the following:
1. Use article (a/the) before common nouns:
-Looking back at last semester,…
-Independent learning is meaningful way of strengthening what I have learned from lectures and tutorials.
2. Whose hobby?
I really did not make good use of my time and spent too much time on hobby
3. Do you mean online novels?
reading network novels
4. Be careful when you use pronouns: novels + it (singular?)?
eading network novels. In fact, I was addicted to it.
5. Unparallel structure:
And on the weekend, I rarely went out to go shopping and participate in any activity.
6. Express ideas clearly: put main focus at the beginning of the sentence.
It often turned out when the weekend ended I realized I did nothing other than reading network novels.
7. Missing comma:
Previously, I often told myself when I could not stop reading a book I would never spend so much time on a novel after this novel.
8. Errors with commas and transitions:
In addition, I have taken part in some clubs this term, in which I have the opportunity to make friends and learn from them, furthermore, practice my spoken English.
9. Preposition + gerund: Can you see the error?
Secondly, I will occupy most of the time I used on reading novels before to do independent learning and enjoy activities.
10. clumsy sentence. Reorganise ideas logically:
I cannot agree more. For example, people may have problems that they cannot solve by themselves, but if they discuss the problems in group, it can be solved easily by sharing information.
11. Example of comma splice sentence:
Nevertheless I am not sure to what extent I can change my time management this semester, I will do my best to shift the time spending on reading network novels to independent learning and activities(.)